Monday, July 16, 2007

Shine On, You Crazy Diamond - I


Remember when you were young,
You shone like the sun,
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter One

So in June of 2001 when Radhakrishna Dureswami walked in on me while I was 'draining the main vein', my first reaction was a four-letter-word followed by a voice in my head telling me that I'd forgotten to lock the bathroom door. Realising it was a little late to do something about the unlocked door, I took evasive action and positioned myself with my back towards him and continued to pee.

What followed immediately after I made the adjustment was the shocking realization that Radhakrishna Dureswami for some inexplicable reason was still standing there, staring at me, almost transfixed. The look of curiosity on his face didn't help the situation either. He was obviously unaware that I could see him in the mirror.

Now I'm not homophobic. But I am a WEE bit wary of folks who like to hang around and watch me pee.

So once I finished the routine and zipped up my jeans, I turned towards him with what I'm guessing was a facial expression that conveyed: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT, BITCH?

No wait, make that: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT?

(BITCH makes it sound like I was up for the 'potentially' homosexual experience that was on offer.)

Even today, MOST people back off when I have that look on my face. However, Radhakrishna Dureswami, the boy that he was, chose not to respond and continued to stare, now with me looking at him straight in the eye.

That was when the voice in my head yelled: Psycho alert! Proceed to wash-basin, wash hands, get the fuck out!

And so I went about doing exactly that. Once I was out of the bathroom, and more importantly out of danger, I questioned my decision of choosing 'Sacred Heart Boys Hostel' as my place of residence in a city where I didn't know a soul. I also tried to figure out what would have happened if Radhakrishna Dureswami had attempted to violate my chastity? Who would I have ran to?

***

Looking back at that incident now I can't help but laugh my head off. Maybe I should've said something to him in the loo that day. Anything.

But then again, I hadn't the slightest idea that Radhakrishna Dureswami was going to play such an important role my college life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Two

The Next Evening:

It must have been close to midnight because I was tucked into bed, waiting to fall asleep when my roommate Raktim (pronounced: ROCK-TIM) walked into the room screaming out my name in his typical Assamese accent. He switched on the lights and stood with his hands on his waist. Just like those body-builders in American Muscle Magazine.

I looked up at him, partially blinded with the sudden light in the room. I noticed his eyes were bloodshot, and for some reason he was grinning like a donkey who had just been shagged.

He was drunk. But since he was standing without any support, I figured the situation was under control.

Thats when I noticed the VIP underwear he was using as a headband.

Raktim: Oye TS, I want you to meet my latest best friend Radhakrishna Dureswami. He just joined the hostel yesterday. He is from Erode in Tamil Nadu and his father is a bhery bhery bherrryyy rich textile merchant. You know how I know his father is bhery bhery bherrryyy rich???

Me (sarcastically): How R-a-k-t-i-m?

Raktim: Because his father just now paid for all my alcohol, food, cigarettes, Rajnigandha and everything! (Evil Laughter)

Me: Uh, ok. Very cool man. Where is he?

Raktim (yelling): Abe Radhakrishna Dureswami madarchod idhar aa (Translation: mother fucker, come here) and meet my another best friend TS!!!

Radhakrishna Dureswami walked in slowly, managing to look unsure and curious at the same time. When I placed him from the bathroom fiasco, I felt an immediate uneasiness. But THE MAN THAT I WAS, I managed what I think would qualify as an unsure but pleasant enough 'half-smile.'

Pee-watcher on the other hand, extended his arm and held out his hand. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable touching him just yet but being THE MAN THAT I WAS, I managed to complete the handshake.

Me: Nice to meet you R-a-d-h-a-k-r-i-s-h-n-a... err...

Radhakrishna Dureswami: Call me RK.

Raktim (yelling): Yes, call him RK!!! Or Madarchod, or Randi ke Jamai, or Bhootni Ke, or anything else. He doesn't understand Hindi. Can you believe our luck???

(More evil laughter)

Me (to Raktim): Abe is se bach ke, ye woh hi hai, pee-watcher. (Translation: Be careful with him, he's the same guy I was telling you about, the pee-watcher)

RK (oblivious to Raktim and me): Shall we go drink now?

***

That night, three first year students of Christ College, all from different parts of the country, with almost nothing in common, sat down and shared their life stories with each other, aided by the one common force that would continue to bind them in the years to come. Alcohol.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

37 comments:

hedonistic hobo said...

so did he ever tell you why he watched you pee?

Suchintya said...

Brilliant as usual! When's the book coming?? :)

iz said...

Alcohol? Male bashing usually does it for my friends!

once again said...

thats just gross, watchin someone pee pee ...

Pri said...

That’s not really his name is it? No one is named Radhakrishna Dureswami. No one!

I almost went to Christ College. I remember bawling when i didnt get through the final interview. Those scary priests asked me all kinds of scary questions. The finance minister of Punjab for one. Who the eff knows? Anyway im glad i didnt get in cause i went back to MCC and had the most fun three years of my life.

Pri said...

You've been
tagged

J' said...

Alcohol is injurious to health.....

i wont praise u again.... you f**kin well know that you're good :D

i hope i'll get to read more about your adventures with pervert 'pee-watcher'

rj said...

douglas adams got it all wrong

42 isn't the answer for the Universe, life and everything

the answer is daru AKA alcohol!

MISSquoted** said...

you mean you actually hobnobbed with that could-be-gay, could-be-may, could-be-psycho boy??
Did it work out fine?
:)

TS said...

@Hobo: Nope. And I never asked him.

@Suchintya: Telling it as it was.

@Iz: Male bashing? That's so not cool.

@Once Again: I know!!!

@Pri: Ha ha, of course they are! I've heard last names to the tune of Cherulliparambil and Ganju. Life isn't fair.

And MCC? Wow. Were you a part of the yummy brigade? The ones whose stomach I wanted eat the strawberries off? What batch?

@J': Sure you will. And when did you read this? The site's blocked at work.

@MISSquoted**: Ha ha, yes I did.

Pri said...

first of all eouu!
and im not telling u what batch. but im 23 so u can calculate.

TS said...

Well I'm 23 too. So I'm guessing 2004.

And no ewww, more like aaaoooo (like the doggies).

I remember this girl called Ambika, can't remember her last name. Varry Saxy.

Anyway.

Pri said...

is there a particular section of the college youre talking about?

J' said...

i know the site is blocked at work but not at my laptop! i was leaving for home when i saw u.... and by the way... i may not be a part IBM for long...:D and i have full internet access where i am planning to join now!

J' said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J' said...

and NO I WILL NOT!

Karan said...

Err.. Ok, uncle are you Tanmay a.k.a. friend of Prateek Uppal and Vipin Bishnoi wala Tanmay?

Karan said...

Also, yeah, Maami - what batch? Which course?

K said...

Err.. Ambika Tandon?

Pri said...

Tanmay you totally have my blessing to tell Karen to go the fuck away.

P. said...

Heh. Call me a sucker but I love stories like these. You know... Going back to "When I first saw you I thought..."

I like the way you spun the tale. As usual.

:)

TS said...

@Pri: Let it pass Pri.

J': Oh, ok. Where are you going now?

Karan: Yes, Prateek Uppal happens to be a very close friend. And its DJ Vipin now, if you please... ha ha!

How do you know them?

And Ambika Giri. Not Tandon.

@Pri: Can we do this on facebook, please? Is PM a pseudonym or can one look you up?

P.- Me too. Have you written the second chapter?

Karan said...

Ok, I think you're the wierd guy I had to one make fake conversation with at Uppal's birthday in some dhaba in Yelahanka.

@ Pri: Isn't it wierd I figure I have met all bloggers whose blogs I read over a lunch/dinner?

Karan said...

@ Pri:

Also, don't feel so J that this dude getts more comments than you.

(spam value counts)

Pri said...

@karen: yes i think its weird.

@ts: um i refuse to join facebook or myspace. i do have a profile but its just to check out important members. i still use orkut. i know i know all the cool people are on facebook. im just too lazy to switch thats all. besides what would i do without my daily orkut fortune?

Rohit Talwar said...

That's why alcohol becomes a part of our lives. And to think one needs to pee right after a drinking session too...

TS said...

@Karan: I'm going to take Pri up on the blessing thing and ask you to go the fuck away.

No one calls me wierd. Hmph.

@Pri: Search my blog address and you'll reach my profile. On Orkut that is.

@Rohit: Ha ha, true. Luckily the hostel had 5 bathrooms. Phew!

J' said...

joining an architecture/interior/engineering design support firm in noida.... going back to my first love...

P. said...

Yep. I have. I'm afraid it's got a lot of details.

:)

k said...

bwahahahahahahaha... Pri has bitch marked you too?

Dan said...

I am a WEE bit wary of folks who like to hang around and watch me pee.

Just a wee bit?

I'm a WEE WEE bit wary. Get it? Wee wee? :)

TS said...

Ha ha ha! Wish I'd thought of that myself!

Back from your vacation?

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