Saturday, April 21, 2007


The setting was lavish. It had to be.

Red was splashed across the entire canvas. And white. And pink, but as an afterthought.

The band played old Hindi songs that spoke of love, life and the after-life.

Little kids dressed in silver suits and golden shoes and starch-white frocks were scattered across the hall, just like glitter. I felt under-dressed.

The families posed. The friends cheered. And the acquaintances, well, at least they ate.

There was no alcohol. There were rituals instead.

Loud Punjabi friends made sure that a select few were kept in 'high spirits.'

An uncle drank too much and break-danced on the dias.

Another uncle wrestled his way into every photograph that was clicked.

People laughed, heels snapped, new-borns cried.

I met an acquaintance who had lost 32 kilos since the last time we had met. I spent an hour with him trying to figure out exactly how he had managed it.

An old school friend showed up. The one who'd managed to finish his MBBS, but still went to bed believing that 'Cradle of Filth' and 'Godsmack' were the greatest musicians of all time.

Someone casually mentioned it was Hitler's birthday and International Weed Day as well. We decided to do something about the latter.
As a result, the rest of the evening was spent at the ice-cream counter.

A close friend wanted to leave early because someone wanted to have sex with him. We convinced him otherwise.

Also, in the middle of all this commotion, somehow, Abhishek and Vrinda managed to wed.


At his wedding:

Abhishek: Listen TS. About what you asked me on Wednesday - there's a spare room in my new house.. you know.. like a guest room.. so that people can stay over if it gets too late.. or when relatives come over.. but there's just one problem.. Vrinda insists on calling it TS' room.

Me: Awww..

Abhishek: Achha, and about the bachelor party man... what exactly happened? I blacked out while talking to you and then the only image I have is the fucking bouncers trying to put me on a wheelchair!

Me: Oh, nothing yaa, you were like the show-stopper man! All those Saturday Night Fever moves.. I envy your dancing skills! You were completely doing your thing, chilling.. head-banging.. cracking outrageously funny jokes but then.. suddenly.. this.. this.. uh..

(I realized I wasn't doing a good job of fibbing because he was just staring away at me. So I took a deep breath and said the following with the straightest fucking face possible)

"This racoon came out of nowhere and knocked you unconscious."

(Prolonged silence & flashes of Joey)

Abhishek: Hmmm... I think that's what happened too.

(Sheepish grin, followed by hysterical laughter.)


diyadear said...

u seemed to have had nice fun at ur friends wedding.. A friend of mine too got married on the same day.. n ofcourse there was the big fat abhishek aish wedding.. marriage season inideed..

Anonymous said...

that was hilarious!!!nice post!

Ps said...

LOL..Whatever it was that happened,glad Abhishek managed to save shreds of self respect--or should that be shred saved self respect?Nice photo.Good luck to the couple--and may they be forever happy.

TS said...

@Diya: It was a lot of fun. And there were lots of weddings on the 20th cause it was supposed be a date where the planetary arrangement was near perfect.

@Anonymous: Thanks.

@Ps: I'll go with the latter.

Jane Doe said...

I went from awwwww to haaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaa (bharat bhushan, bheja fry style).
Awesome stuff!

maya said...

*Smiles while reading*. Oh that is a good post. *Echoes Pallavi's imitation of Bharat Bhushan - haaaahhaaaaa*. I love Joey's raccoon lies. Well actually, I just love Joey. Good fun :-)

The i-Man said...

1. Reminds me of India. Lots of commotion and millions of people.

2. Poor thing- you stopped the friend from having sex.

3. You're a person who is passionate about proving his dispassion with society and its norms.

Anonymous said...

A good friend that u are- good thing u did when u stopped him from committing that sin!
And yeah, I miss India.. You know the typical social atmosphere at a typically typical Indian wedding in India, wow! :)

And yea, may the couple be happy forever. :)

Nice post overall.
Thanks for visiting my new blog!

TS said...

@JD, Maya: Thanks.

@i-Man: The friend could have done without sex on ONE Friday night!
And point three, a shot in the dark? Or careful observation?

@Perceptive Girl: From glitter to perspective. Growing up, are we now?

iz said...

LOL! Poor guy! My hen's night was so dull in comparision!

J said...

O My god!! This was THE most hilarious post i've come across in your Blog..i fell off my beanie laughing!!!
Keep up the good work!

Crouching Tigress said...

Cradle of Filth is not a's a band :P. And who the hell cares about Godsmack anyway!

Anonymous said...

Life it is. We move on, we grow up, we learn, we never should forget to smile for it's the least expensive way to look good. :)

TS said...

@Iz: You must tell us about your hen's night, because knowing you, it'll be a hilarious story nevertheless.

@J: Hilarious, ha. I was aiming at sentimental!

@Crouching Tigress: You're right, COF is a band. And if the doctor reads your comment, he's going to come right over to your space and explain EXACTLY why you SHOULD care about Godsmack. Ha ha!

@Perceptive Girl: Amen. If only my teeth were a little less yellow... sigh.

J said...

sowy dude!! but this post somehow managed to TOUCH my funny nerve.. ;D

Dan said...

Oh boy! Now I'm wondering if Hitler would have smoked weed if he had access to it.

TS said...

@J: Can't argue with that!

@Dan: I don't think so! Can you imagine Hitler with a Bong?

Bong bong... he shot me down... ha ha ha ha!

hedonistic hobo said...

not leaving for another month.

The i-Man said...

@TS: Maybe, a careful observation. You tell me if it is right or not- No offense meant though.

TS said...

@i-Man: I'll go with 'maybe' too. Anda about the offense, none taken.

The i-Man said...

@TS: thankfully :P

Important thing being- its important to enjoy and love the person you are! And I love you.

hedonistic hobo said...

i have! but not without first puzzling over which one of the five 'tanmay shah's you are. then i typed in 'tanmay sahay' and lo and behold! there's vunnly vunn tanmay sahay on facebook!

seventh sister said...

You sound like a good friend. I hope the groom appreciates you.

TS said...

@Seventh sister: He had better!

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