Wednesday, August 30, 2006

One evening at work, parallel universes and the pantry guy...

"One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."

Oscar Wilde ( The Critic as Artist, Part 2, 1891 )

On an uneventful day at work, just when I'm about to pack my laptop and leave, my universe conspires against me... My boss, colleagues, friends and family are reminded of the fact that I'm at their disposal...

This is a series of unfortunate events that happened between 7:30 and 7:40 pm on that Wednesday evening... Disturbing my usual lack of occupation at work, and sending my thoughts spiralling into the inconsequential...

Boss: Tanmay is the calibration report out? (Err... No!) Make sure you send it by the end of the day.

I step out of the room, cursing my luck. I should have compiled it by now!

Unoccupied Colleague (wandering in the corridors): Dude, let's go for a smoke? That chick from Tower-A must be downstairs right now!

I wonder why he ALWAYS want to smoke??? I say no thanks and continue walking through the corridor towards the washroom. I enter the loo and run into a super focused fellow team mate.

Super focused fellow team mate: Hey man, could you please conduct five more assessments? Enter the data into the sheet I'm sending you.

Suddenly going to the loo is off my list of convenient hideouts at work. I say,"Sorry buddy, need to get home early today. Family scene."

I leave the washroom thinking I better finish that report and get the hell out of here before someone else corners me.

On my way back to my room, my cell rings.

Phone Call (Drunk Friend): Tanmay! Where are you??? (Err... Work!) Get your ass to TC right now! Ice is begging to be broken!

I want to scream Yes! Yes! Y-e-s-s-s-s! just like those women in the porn movies. Instead, I politely take a raincheck, knowing well that I had better meet my girlfriend today or she'll kill me or dump me or something. I walk on with this scary thought lingering in my mind.

Master Trainer (In the corridor): Tanny please come to my session. There's a teachback I want you to sit through.

I repeat the family excuse. After all worklessness and girlfriends come first.

I walk on.

Random Ex-Trainee (Outside my room) : Hey Tanmay! Long time... what's happening? Listen... I wanted to clarify something, is now a good time?

Oh God! Why? W-H-Y? Why Now???

My patience is running out and I snap at him. "Tomorrow! I'm busy right now!"

I enter my room. I realise while opening the door that my fist is clenched. A very sweet fellow colleague is standing facing me, as if the forces had informed her of my time of entry.

Very Sweet Fellow Colleague: Aur ji Tanmay ji... ki haal chaal? I just came to work. How are you? How's your girlfriend?

I smile and reply that me, my girlfriend and the entire cosmos is doing just fine. Inside of me I feel like taking a razor sharp knife and waving it in everybody's eye, especially those who can afford to make useless polite conversation in this time of crisis!

My phone rings, again. Mom.

Mom: Tanu please be home by nine today, you know Masi's leaving for London tomorrow and she wants to see you and your brother before she goes. And pay the landline bill on your way back please, it's overdue.

(Thought: Err... sorry Ma, not today! I'd much rather meet my girlfriend!)

I tell her I'm working late and stuck in office till midnight. She sighs in disappointment and hangs up without saying bye.

As I make myself comfortable at my workstation, the schedule incharge get's up and decides to waste some more of my precious time.

Schedule Incharge (My Team): Tanmay make sure you're in by twelve noon tomorrow, we've got lot's of assessments lined up.

(Thought: Yeah right! F*&^$%$(&**%%#$#@... I'm taking leave tomorrow... Naa na na naa na)

I give him a thumb's up sign which he doesn't really acknowledge. The sarcasm on my face might have something to do with it.

"She" walks in... (The one who's thoughts occupy most of my work hours...)

Hot colleague who thinks I'm worth it: Hey... dinner???

(Thought: Can we just have sex on friday night instead? I'm caught up in a mindless, brain numbing activity... the one they pay me for... so that I can buy you alcohol and get you drunk enough to sleep with me.)

Girlfriend calling. I disconnect the phone, almost panicking. I regain my composure and entertain the thought once again before answering the hot colleague.

The words that come out of my mouth: "No, I'm buried in work. Maybe tomorrow gorgeous! Sorry!"

She leaves, looking disappointed. My attention moves to the vibrating Nokia 6600 that my left hand is holding.

Girlfriend calling again. GIRLFRIEND CALLING!

I answer, sounding apologetic, readying myself for the humiliation and insults.

Girlfriend: How dare you cut my call! Who were you with?

(Thought: Err, those who we don't speak about!)

I say I was talking to my boss. My boss looks up at me in disbelief. I wink at him and carry on talking. I tell her I'll be half an hour late. She hangs up on me, cursing.

A disappointed mother, an angry girlfriend, two colleagues plotting how they would politley decline when I would approach them for my work and a boss who was waiting only for me to send him the data I should've sent an hour ago. Add to that my drunk friend, whose place I could've been at had I planned my appointments better!

I was fucked. One way or another.

I decided to calm my nerves, so I did the next best thing to having sex... I called up the pantry and ordered some food... Maggi to be precise.

I restarted my laptop. For some inexplicable reason, I created a playlist with songs from bands like "Cradle of Filth" and "Cannible Corpse."

Once the music was blaring in my headphones, I started compiling the data. The schedule guy, the sweet colleague and my boss all went out of the room.

I was alone. I took the opprtunity to voice my thoughts... saying "Bhenchod...", stretching it as much as possible.

I resumed my work.

In between typing a formula in the excel sheet, shaking my head hysterically to "Six feet under" and cursing my luck, I heard a noise. It must've been loud considering the volume in the headphones had been set to maximum.

I turned my head, only to find the remnants of another disaster. The two plates of maggi I had ordered had found their way to the floor.

I felt my heart sink.

Such was the magnitude of disappointment, that I almost didn't notice the pantry guy. I noticed him only when he made an attempt to get up from the floor. Man, he really should have chosen a better day to screw up!

Anyway, I motioned for him to get out and get housekeeping to take care of the mess he had blessed me with. I don't think he heard me, because he just stood there smiling helplessly for close to 20 seconds or so.

I turned to him in a swift motion indicative of aggression. He asked me if he should get two more plates. Now I lost it. I shouted at him, and told him he could feed as much maggi to the floor as he wanted, but I wasn't going to have any of it!

The smile vanished from his face. He left the room in a hurry, not paying any attention to the maggi on his clothes and hands. He was limping.

I continued to work. A couple of housekeeping guys came in and cleaned up the mess.

I had about ten minutes of work left when I got up from my work station to stretch my back. I was about to get back to my chair when I heard a knock on the door. I looked through the glass door to find the pantry guy standing right outside, with a half-smile on his face. I motioned for him to come in. He disappeared for around 20 seconds and came in. He was holding two plates of maggi. The half-smile had now become a shy grin.

Before I could say a word, he had carefully placed the maggi on my workstation. Then he turned to me, his smile became even wider (something I thought wasn't possible given the small mouth), and he held out his hand.

I shook his hand and he said "Sorry Sir, my fault!" (In English)

I smiled at last, trying to fathom why I was touched by his gesture.

His next words were in a language he was more comfortable with,"Sir hume maloom hai aap naraaz ho mujhse. Aapka kaam itna tension vaala hota hai, upar se meine maggi gira diya. Sorry."

"Arre nahi yaar, aise mat bol... tu to sharminda kar raha hai!", I said, cutting him short.

I looked at him in the eye and for some reason I had a rush of emotion. Then there were random thoughts. I think I wanted to burst out crying. I wanted to tell him that he was important too. I wanted to tell him that I respected him more than I would ever respect myself. I wanted to tell him that the server is greater than the servee. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him one day it would all be ok (Something like a Jaadu Ki Jhappi). I wanted to tell him that I'd teach him how to read and write, and then maybe he could get a job, a real job I mean.

Instead I asked,"So where are you from?"

"Bihar Sir, Madhubani."

"Arre, phir to hum bhai hein, mein Bhagalpur se hoon!", I replied, feeling a sudden ease after having found something in common with him.

The shy grin emerged.

"Aur, dilli mein kaise? Kahaan tak padhe ho?", I asked.

"Sir, M.A. kiya hai Sanskrit mein. Dilli aaya hoon taaki bachhe achhe school mein padhe. Vo jagah safe nahin hai na, isliye..."

(Thought: M.A. in Sanskrit??? This guy is more educated than I am!!! Fuck!!!)

"Arre waah, yaar tu to mujhse zyaada padha likha hai...", I said, backslapping him, appealing to him to be at ease with my presence.

He continued to smile at me, standing almost motionless, staring at me. I was wondering what to say next when a realisation hit me. In the middle of being preoccupied and emotionally upturned, I had forgotten to pay him.
I gestured for him to move aside and went to my work station. I picked up the wallet, which was lying next to my laptop.

"Kitna ho gaya? 4 Maggi ka 60 Rupees na?", I asked him, in an attempt to confirm. Also indicating that I was willing to pay for all the damages as well.

"Aap 30 rupees de do mujhe Sir. Jo gir gaya tha uske paise aap kyon doge. Vo hum dekh lenge", came a swift reply.

I was a little puzzled and I guess it showed on my face. He gave me a reassuring smile as I handed him the thirty rupees. He took the money, and left the room after saying thanks. As he was leaving the room I called out to him, "Bhaiya... Pakka na?", feeling sudden guilt about him having to pay 30 bucks out of his meagre pay.

"Are Sir, don't worry! Apni setting hai...", he said with a laugh and closed the door behind him.

I finished my report. I checked my watch, 8:55 pm. I had to meet my girlfriend in five minutes, and there was no way I was going to make in time even after having rescheduled. Surprisingly, I wasn't angry, irritated, worked up... nothing! I guess I had resigned to my fate.

I called her up and told her that I would make it by 9:30 pm. She said she didn't want to see me ever again. I laughed, in helplessness and amusement, and she hung up on me for a second time that day.

I sat there staring into space. It was then that my thoughts spiralled into the inconsequential.

The first wave of thought was about the strange and predictable ways of the world (geography notwithstanding). How certain fundamental aspects of existence would never change. How there would always be the rich and the poor, the good and the bad, the alpha and the omega. Always.

The second wave of thought was mostly in what ifs and how could I have... I thought about my state of oblivion, and how most of my mental comfort had its roots in the ignorance that stemmed from it.

I thought about those who I care about, love, respect, work with, want to be with. And how their expectations of me had wrecked my nerves a little while ago.

I thought about how each person is a universe, including the pantry guy. There was so much to know and so much to learn about anyone at any given time in this world that it could overwhelm the google server a couple of times over. I was so intent on admiring the light being emitted from the stars in my universe that I overlooked the fact that it was me they were blinding.

My mind started giving up on me. I yawned. I wanted to go home, now. I packed my laptop, picked up my wallet and keys and headed straight out of office into the elevator lobby. I waited for about five minutes and finally got into an empty elevator.

On it's way down, the elevator stopped on the 4th floor. It was the pantry guy again, smiling as usual. I immediately rejected the thought that it was an omen.

There was an awkward silence in the six by six confines. We had exhausted all possible conversation in my bay before. I pretended to stare at the screen which indicates the floor and temperature. When the elevator gates opened, I stepped out. There was a rush right outside, a lot of people got in even though the lift was going to the basement first. I negotiated my way through the restless crowd.

As I walked on, the elevator gates closed, physically reinforcing the gap between our universes.


Anonymous said...

You write well, Adding a little bit of humor really helps. The best thing is that you use everybody's language. I think you should disclose few things in your subsequent posts like (the Hot colleague-do we really have even one? and ....) Anyways keep writing you are good at it.
Saurabh B

Anonymous said...

Its very are on the right track to become Munnabhai TTBU..ha ha ha


Viren said...

Well written Tanmay. You started of pretty well and I liked the bits of conversation added however I felt it just dragged a little towards the end. Nevertheless fantastic effort. You know me,I can't deal with the senti bit.

Ek ajnabeee said...

Hi Tanmay!

Wonderful post again.

In the begining I thought that you were writing to tell your girlfriend 'how she stays in your thoughts all the time'.

The way you describe ur emotions is excellent. I particularly liked the phrase 'I was so intent on admiring the light being emitted from the stars in my universe that I overlooked the fact that it was me they were blinding.'

I was disturbed a little by the thought that an MA (Sanskrit (I dont need to say what role sanskrit had in India's history) who definitly knows cutomer service) is working at lower wage than some ppl who are able to speak english (partialy) and have no clue about customer service.

Anyway I am sure things will change.

Astha said...

I really enjoyed reading this- the humor; the insight into our rambling thought processes; oh, and the scene from the lift! Very well written!

vijayendra said...

That was beautiful. Seriously.

mannat said...

The first word that comes to my mind is nice! but i hate that word so am not going to use to describe your blog, if i find a more apt one at the end of my comment i will put it down. very touching. many things that have run through my head on an issue like this have been written down very well by you. Pleasant, sentimental, thought provoking.

Anonymous said...

absolute no nonsense! not a moment of boredom....very gripping and very very realistic...this is real writing which comes from within and not a consciously made up one...keep writing!!!

Anonymous said...

seems that you have your plate full with the practical being imposed upon the philosophical. cheers!!!

-- faceless

Ankita said...

Hmmm...penned down in a very reflective mode...very well written, I would only add to all the good things written above.....was wondering if you ever got sick of all the ever increasing praises being showered on you with every new article.... :) kiddin'...u deserve it..Keep it up!!!!

Anonymous said...

you gotta win the gr8 blogger award man. Have i told you about this website where you can send your blogs and they will publish them and it will be available on

Anyways, cheers
Saurabh Behar

redwineplaster said...

hey..i like yr writing..can connect with it alot..felt like that hellova load of times!!!

Anonymous said...

i was little hesitant when u sent that link through orkut (not entirely useless, is it?)? am glad i clicked on it. keep writing. cheers!

Anonymous said...

dude thanks for your comment on my blog, I am not as good writer as you and others are, I guess learnt from you and life.


Anonymous said...

Hey Tanmay
Great writing, Humor was good and well explained emotions......
But just a tip when u ask others to read ur Blog Just mention a lil about what u have written in brief they become intersted to read your stuff.....
Keep writing

Aditi said...

Hey Tanny,

I thought I wrote really well but after I read what you write I feel like a Nursery School kid! You are an amazing writer!! You are also someone who gains respect for his honesty and "humanness" you are grey and you don't apologise for it but try and learn from it.

Now on a lighter note...I promise not to bug you to come sit through teachback sessions :) and now tell me who's the HOT colleague???

Please keep writing!!

Ujjwal said...

Some vectors to think about:

1. The article was well chosen and the scene set, though it was a drag in certain locations. Read again, you should be able to notice.
2. One Suggestion :): Take it easy with Gfs, she is there in life for an emotional support and not to be a drain. Your call though :)
3. Try experimenting with more styles of writing.In the haste to tell more in less days, we often make the mistake of using the same template of story telling.
4. Overall, a good read. I felt hungry for the Maggis.

I think I am being overly harsh on the article just because you asked me to read it at 4 am when I have 2 submissions tomorrow morning ;).

Keep on the spirit.

Aparna Bagwe said...

I am impressed.
If this was a book, I would have described it as 'unputdownable'.
Being a blog, its 'untakemyeyesoffable'?
Lovely thought process, Extremely well put.

TS said...

Thank you.
All of you!

Ujjwal, a special mention for your feedback. I have not consciously tried to stick to any style, but I guess it's the way my thoughts flow. I'll definitely try and experiment with more styles.

Anonymous said...

dude, aweosme...simply..! im tellin u again - leave whatever ur doin rite now, and get down to serious writing!!! :)

sorry, forgot to mention my name - vidhi here... :)

Samira said...

think of me when i'm angry...pursed lips, piercing look in my eyes, my mind engaged in one singular thought...


what i like best is that you spend the time to think through these seemingly mundane aspects of our everyday lives. can't say i'm not sensitive to these things myself...but i've never been able to dwell on them for more than that immediate fleeting moment when these questions first make their acquaintance with me. at some level i would like to do what you're doing...who knows...someday..
but don't go off patting yourself on the back just yet. if you something for that pantry guy!

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

I am very happy that I came to you blog from DesiPundit. This was really good... and had a certain touch of genuine-ness to it that I literally glossed over the entire post. Man, you write well... and having worked for two years in a s/w firm, I can so totally identify with all you said here.

Really liked your blog... will keep visiting

Anonymous said...

loved it!!

Anonymous said...

an easy read,minimalistic,no frills but thoroughly enjoyable nevertheless....

maddy said...

U've captured such banal happenings, so beautifully...logged on to your blog on my nite shift, n now I simply CAN'T get up and leave!!!

LethalLogic said...

You write well

Full2 Faltu said...

Nice one especially the transition from humor to serious.

Good going


Anonymous said...

Hey, enjoyed reading this one a lot. It would have been very easy for you to slip into the cliched and the corny... but you didn't! And of course, the simplicity of your style is your greatest asset :)

Pratim said...

Genius is the capacity for infinite pain....and you sure have a lot of capacity.

Pratim said...

Genius is the capacity for infinite pain....and you sure have a lot of capacity.

Angad said...

Hey man! that was really neat. For your sake, I hope that you came back home and wrote this after a drink, having recalled that half an hour. For some reason, i think that may have given you decent, peaceful sleep. Good stuff!

calm ocean said...

hmm.. so thats the reason so many guys go downstairs. youuuu are cheating on your girlfriend??!!! eww turn off turn off
you're judgemental! your reaction towards the pantry guy proved it . hence, i'm always right and will be right till i die.

Outsourcing Professional said...

Love this blog Tanmay. It really kept me captivated. You could spend more time on writing these blogs than finishing your report :-)..jus kidding. continue blogging.

Sukant said...


I am generally frugal with compliments. However, I was compelled to congratulate you on the quality of this post. I don't want to write what has already been said in the comments but I am sure you know that this one is "gold". You are a natural and you should seriously consider writing down a book. Good work.


P.S. BTW, how is everything?

meow said...

love yo writing style.. hoping to read more of yo posts soon :)

Chitty Cat said...

you are truly disgusting!!

but nice to know you had a taste of humble pie ;)

Supriya said...

Hey Tanmay..tht was amazing a piece...quite gripping..didnt stop a moment till i finished it..very well written..u just got urself a fan abt ur writing abilities

huangqing said...

michael kors handbags
louis vuitton pas cher
tiffany jewelry
hermes birkin
babyliss pro
cheap jordans
coach outlet online
nfl jerseys
mulberry outlet
michael kors uk
football shirts
true religion jeans
links of london
michael kors outlet online
michael kors uk outlet
kate spade handbags
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet
toms shoes
cheap oakley sunglasses
oakley sunglasses uk
tiffany jewellery
longchamp outlet
ralph lauren uk
longchamp outlet online
tory burch outlet online
nike air max
michael kors bags
cheap nba jerseys
swarovski crystal
hermes birkin bag
longchamp pas cher
michael kors uk
prada sneakers
rolex watches

raybanoutlet001 said...

cheap mlb jerseys
yeezy boost 350
kobe basketball shoes
chrome hearts online
ray ban uk,cheap ray ban sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses
adidas nmd runner
oakley vault
chrome hearts wholesale
tiffany and co jewelry
fitflops clearance
nike zoom running shoe
yeezy boost 350
adidas tubular sale
cheap uggs
ray ban sunglasses,ray ban outlet,ray ban sale,cheap ray bans,cheap ray ban sunglasses,ray ban sunglasses outlet,ray ban,rayban,ray bans,ray-ban,raybans,ray ban wayfarer,ray-ban sunglasses,,rayban sunglasses,cheap ray ban
tiffany and co outlet
chrome hearts
nike zoom
cheap retro jordans
tiffany and co jewellery
adidas tubular runner
kobe shoes
mlb jerseys
ralph lauren online,cheap ralph lauren
nfl jerseys from china
huarache shoes
true religion sale
oakley sunglasses,oakley vault,oakley sunglasses cheap,oakleys,,sunglasses outlet,cheap oakley
yeezy boost 350

Gege Dai said...

true religion outlet
michael kors wholesale
mulberry outlet
coach handbags outlet
toms outlet
polo ralph lauren
lebron james shoes
longchamp handbags
rolex watches,rolex replica watches,replica rolex watches,replica watches
christian louboutin outlet
yeezy boost 350
michael kors outlet
cartier outlet store
fitflops uk
louis vuitton handbags
kate spade uk
calvin klein outlet
toms outlet
tory burch sandals
fitflops outlet sale
tory burch outlet online
mulberry handbags
ray-ban sunglasses
the north face jacket
jordan pas cher
nike huarache
marc jacobs sale
nfl jersey wholesale
yeezy boost
mcm outlet
ralph lauren pas cher
cartier watches for sale
ugg outlet store
michael kors handbags
kate spade uk

chenmeinv0 said...

nike tn
michael kors outlet clearance
true religion outlet
ugg outlet
thunder jerseys
cheap louis vuitton handbags
rolex watches
michael kors handbags
coach outlet store online
louis vuitton outlet

chenmeinv0 said...

michael kors outlet clearance
ray ban sunglasses
uggs sale
coach outlet
louboutin shoes
ugg outlet
toms outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
ugg slippers
timberland boots

chenmeinv0 said...

louis vuitton belt
doudoune canada goose
nfl jerseys wholesale
louboutin pas cher
ray ban glasses
hermes bags
tory burch shoes
cheap basketball shoes
michael kors outlet
timberland boots

琐事 said...

cheap jordans
rolex replica watches
jordan shoes
pandora jewelry
michael kors
birkenstock sandals
nike tn
cheap jordans
nike trainers uk
michael kors handbags

Jian Zhuo said...

birkenstock shoes
jordan uk
purs jerseys
nike sneakers
nike outlet store
kate spade outlet online
polo ralph lauren outlet online
michael kors outlet online
nike roshe shoes
coach factory outlet

ninest123 said...

ralph lauren outlet
uggs outlet
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren uk
jordan retro
coach outlet
coach outlet
nike shoes
canada goose clothing
cheap oakley sunglasses

chenlili said...

ray ban sunglasse
fitflops sale clearance
pandora jewelry outlet
michael kors outlet online
pandora rings
coach outlet
mont blanc pens
canada goose outlet online
nfl jerseys wholesale

jing dong said...

asics running shoes
oakley sunglasses
new england patriots jersey
moncler outlet
adidas tubular
jordan retro 12
adidas nmd
ferragamo belts
michael kors factory outlet


yeezy boost 350
kobe shoes
yeezy boost 700
kd 10
golden goose
nike roshe
kobe 11
air force 1
nike flyknit racer

chenminghui said...

longchamp outlet
supreme uk
cheap air jordan
pandora outlet
fitflop sale
kate spade handbags
coach factory outlet
valentino outlet
louis vuitton factory outlet
christian louboutin shoes

Fghkfhk Dfgaert said...

reebok trainers
pandora outlet
cheap jordans
montblanc pens
canada goose jackets
supreme uk
arcteryx jacket
prada sunglasses
warriors jerseys
christian louboutin shoes

haiyan wu said...

asics shoes
vans shoes
nike x off white
converse outlet store
adidas flux
balenciaga sneakers
golden goose sneakers
retro jordans
nike polo

xiaoouou xiaoou said...

20181107 orf
coach outlet online
coach outlet online
polo ralph lauren
raptors jerseys
dc shoes
polo ralph lauren
nike shoes
ugg boots
canada goose outlet
ysl outlet

harish sharma said...

gta 4 apk